turkeys, rantings, ravings

I made this turkey in paint. Isn't it special? Because everyone else always has to talk about the holidays in their blogs, I figured that I should too. So this is "Happy Belated Thanksgiving!" to the whole world of about three and a half people that actually read this. yes. you are one of them.
I've decided that the paint program on the computer is actually a very interesting one. For one thing, you can make just about anything if you are creative enough. There are no high-tech programs and evil ass-monkey programming and scripts to be played with. No offense to you people out there who like programming, I guess its just not for me. In fact, I have a friend that likes to program. He makes 3D animation. Anywho, he's pretty good at it and if everyone who programs things is like him, I feel very justified in leaving such things up to them. Back to topic, I recently realized the wonders of 'Paint' and I am trying to figure out why nobody uses this blessed program anymore. What happened to the days of old when children used to sit at the 'family computer' for hours muddling over color choices and the line tool?
Oh yeah, I've been reading philosophy, therefore I might ask some pretty dumb questions. Just keep reading, don't pay any attention to my mind muddling.
Thanksgiving weekend was well welcomed and much needed for me and the rest of the IT Honors group, I'm positive. I just wish it was longer. For me, the weekend was supposed to be one of rest and relaxation, however this was not the case. My parents picked me up Wednesday after class. This was just after I realized that the organic chemistry class that I've been wanting to take had filled up and I was no longer able to take the class, considering that I wouldn't register until Monday. This leaves me pissed. The reason why I was unable to take the class is because a bunch of cake-eating asswipes from large schools took a bunch of AP classes and got a bunch of college credit for it. Therefore, Their college credit for phony high-school classes leaves me stranded at seven REAL college credits (thanks, PSEO) and still registering at/near the bottom of the pile. I hate getting screwed over.
After venting to my family over this new development and the fact that I now have to take biology (yippee.... *cough*), we cram into a packed over-heated car and drive for about 10 hours to Michigan through a blizzard. We get there at two o'clock in the morning and wonder why everyone is so crabby...
After much-needed rest dating back from the past three months while I've been at school, I am rudely woken up to laughter and loud voices. I looked at the clock- NOOOOOO. yes. it was 7 am. Groggily rolling out of bed, I hear the voices go down the stairs and I attempted to calculate the amount of time I slept. Unfortunately unable to accomplish this, I shrugged and got on with the day. Thanksgiving dinner was awsome. Occured at noon, but awesome nonetheless. It really made me realize how much I miss my mom and my grandma's cooking- UDS here leaves much to be desired according to my palate. After finishing a luxurious turkey dinner, I high-tailed it off to the room where my parents were staying and proceeded to study chemistry for the next 5 hours. So much for break, huh.
The rest of the weekend continued as such, except on Saturday when I finally finished my chemistry and started on the class from hell: History of Science. Also, another Aunt arrived at the cabin at which I was staying. Unfortunately, when my mom gets together with her two sisters they become evil. Fortunately for me, I had more homework to get to, therefore I left Fred and both of my Aunts' children (all 8 of them) to be hassled by the women to be comforted by the sad buzz of my laptop and the pounding in my brain. In retrospect, I believe Fred managed to leave as well.
Finally, Sunday morning I was, again, rudely awakened at 6 am (this time by my alarm) to drive another 10 hours back to the glory that I call college. Only to be confronted by "Happy Thanksgiving!" and "wow! I slept so much!"
I love my family dearly, and my extended family as well. But understand, this was just too much. I lead a life of solitude. I can understand this, and I am comfortable with it. I do not like large groups of people, and am uncomfortable when made the center of attention. Therefore, to people unlike myself, this weekend would have been a blast. Unfortunately, aside from seeing my family, my weekend wasn't so great.
There is one fact that I can comfort myself with:
I know I will be spending Christmas at home.

weekend of concerts

Today I went to the "battle of the bands" at the Quest center (the same place I went dancing with the nasty guy). Fortunately, other than bad things happen at the place. They opened up both floors for the bands and both stages were going at the same time. It was very cool, I had a great time. My friend was in one of the bands, and I took a few pictures. Their band was awesome, much better than the screaming ones... Not that I have anything against bands that scream EVERY song, that seriously takes a lot of vocal work, but seriously: scream ON KEY....
My friends band was more alternative than "scream-o" and it was a refreshing change. There were a few other good bands there too, even a "scream-o" band that I liked. I can't remember their names, but the music was pretty awesome. Unfortunately it seemed that the quality died as it got later into the afternoon, so I left.
Last night I also attended a concert, my friend Matt's chamber singer's concert. It was very good, right after intermission the chamber singers and the concert choir sang a few pieces together and it was amazing. So many good singers in one room.. and the auditorium at Ted Mann is so acoustically amazing in the first place.
Tonight I go to the Guthrie Theater, which apparently is also amazing. I see a live performance of "a christmas carol" tonight. never seen it performed live, just on VHS a'la Muppets Christmas Carol. I'm sure that this will be a bit different. I am very excited.
Tomorrow I am going to see the U of Mn marching band's indoor concert. I am also very psyched for that. I get to see Krysti (who is in it) and two people that live on my floor. Also, the band is so good, I would have gone if I didnt know anyone in it. I am a little bit sad that I dont get to see my brother, or the rest of the Hibbing band kids, for that matter. Ususally they come down to see this, and I assume that this year is no different, but they usually come down on Saturday (today). Oh well, I'll see them over winter break. Its not like I miss them too much...
Speaking of band, I am joining UBand here next semester. I am so excited for it! I didnt realize how much I would miss playing my clarinet. or piano. or trumpet for that matter... i feel musically excluded... especially with all of my musically talented friends in bands/choirs here. I am excited to have a 'fun' class next semester too.. after this one, I think i deserve it...

Yay for Snow!

It snowed yesterday. While working through the never-ending pile of homework (yes, pile) yesterday evening, a friend IM'ed me on AOL telling me to look outside. Because this person seemed so excited, I actually did get out of my hole in the corner and peered into a white oblivion. And then I opened the curtain.
YES! it snowed!! there is always something magical about the first snowfall. I remember when I was a little kid and watched "Frosty the Snowman" on VHS and wondered if I could make a snowman in the first snow of the season, and if I did, would he come to life?
Well, since there was not enough snow to test this theory, I decided to have a snowball fight, even though there was not much snow. It was the best study break I've taken in a long time. My friends and I frolicked in the snow like a bunch of seven year olds, and it felt damn good.
All of this snow makes me want to go skating, however. Even though I can't go skating now, I know I will be able to over winter break in Hibbing. Also, SWE is planning on going skating soon as well. Too bad there aren't any outdoor rinks close by that I know of. I bet I can find one... I'll just keep looking.

thoughts i think during calculus...

Instead of listening to the TA during math discussion today, I decided to write down the thoughts as they occured in my brain (I do this often but today people noticed.. I had a lot on my mind). Because it made a few people giggle and point, I thought it could be amusing for the general public. Here are my personal favorites:
*Preserve your inner child so that you live your entire life like a mid-life crisis
*concerning bottles:
-the half empty and half full bottle both spill if they're tipped over
-an overflowing glass and a spilled one still get the table wet
*even the best looking packages can blow up in your face
*If there were such thing as a soulmate, marriage would be boring
*If there is one man for every woman in the world, mine must have died in a tragic accident.
*Why do we all have so much time in life, yet we are all forced to make our decisions so early?
*If God wanted me to plan my life, he would have told me what to expect later
*Can the entire world have a "good day"?
*What if somebody suddenly came by and filled the deepest, darkest hole in your life with radioactive waste?
*Remember to forget to ask, "why me?" because in the grand scheme of things it doesnt matter why it was you, just that it was you.

there were a few more less interesting ones than these (yeah its possible) and they're here simply for your humour if you happen to find any.

Halloween!!

Hello, Today is Halloween. I just returned from an exciting day of "trick-or-canning" which is basically like trick-or-treating but you collect non-perishable food items for a local food shelf. I went with SWE and it was pretty fun and for a good cause. I decided SWE is a pretty cool place to be, despite my initial reaction to it which was not so great.
I've developed a new way to keep happy. I've discovered that if I wake up and decide that the day will be a good day, it actually turns out okay. I'm still working on the whole optomistic thing, its a new experience. Unfortunately, the adverse of this also works and if you wake up and believe that it will be a crappy day the day will in fact be crappy. This does not work every time however, good or bad. I'm still working on it.
In fact, I've been suprisingly happy the past few days. Amazing.

My brother and I here in Minneapolis

mole day!

Today is mole day, for those of you Hibbing-ites that had Neary for Chemistry or any other nerd out there that knows what I'm speaking about. Thinking back on it makes me sad or contemplative. This used to be a big holiday for us Science Nerds... I think I remember one year even baking for it. This also reminds me that the Institute of Technology is probably the best place for me. Either that or the psych ward of the hospital...
My brother visited this weekend, it was very enjoyable. I believe that he had fun, we got to do a lot and we were able to see a lot of each other, more so than usual. At home we barely speak. He wants to become a professional drummer and would like to go to a Music Tech in St. Paul next year. I wish him good luck but at the same time I dont want him to get in. This is because I want him to live a long successful life and going into the arts is so subjective. For one thing there is the whole 'starving artist/musician/actor(ess)' syndrome. I do not want that with my brother. Im afraid of the outcome of what he wants to do. To base so much of your life on how other people view yourself is a scary thing to do. Thats one of the many reasons I didnt go into modeling.. haha. and there is no possible way of knowing how successful you will be. my career choice is a little more stable, if less lucrative. this comforts me: knowing that if I manage to graduate from college, I will most likely have a job somewhere, there will be interviews, there will be offers, it will be more formal but it will be nicely laid out for me too. Music: not so much.
One comforting thought through all of this, is that my brother is that talented, he will be able to make it provided that he is discovered. This is also why my thoughts on the subject confuse me as well: I have no doubt he can make it in a music career, but I worry just the same. I guess that is what a sister is for.

gloom

Throughout the past week, I have been a complete moron. I realize that that is not the best opening line of something people would ever want to read, but I guess it could grab ones attention. It pretty much started on monday, where I had to present my physics lab. Being that I pretty much suck at physics in general already, the whole lab experience was not the greatest. And I had to stand and talk about something I had no clue on. Oh yeah, public speaking is definetely a bane of mine. I'm lucky if I don't shake after talking for thirty seconds. Fast forward to Wednesday night because nothing happened except school. (literally, that's all I do now) I finally had everything finished, I even studied for a midterm the next morning. My friend came over just as I was finishing up (at two am) and I helped him with physics (um... ok i understood last week's homework. that's it.). long story short, I woke up the next morning at seven when he left (no we didnt do anything!). I also fell back asleep and woke up at 10:30. Oh yeah, my midterm was at nine. My roomate and I literally freaked out, and went to class. I entered calculus as he was passing out the quizzes for the week, and I managed to talk to the professor of the class I missed the test in. She let us take it the next day. Thank God for nice profs.
Friday I went dancing with this one guy in my ballroom dancing class. We went to the Quest for salsa night and it was a generally bad experience. He informed me that he 'found me very attractive' and wanted to go on a date. He told me that my hair was 'incredibly beautiful'. I flat out told him that hes too short (he's a good 5'5" compared with my 5'8" so not too short but short enough). Later in the evening he started conversations about sex, making out, what I like in men, etc. and oh yeah, he's 24 and not even a student at the U of MN (which I did not realize at the time). (btw.. i'm 18.) CREEPY.
Why DO guys suck? and where are the good ones? and why can't I go out with them?
Relationship drama.... again.
I'm just going to lay off dating in general for a while. Mostly because men suck.
Okay, yesterday (saturday) I went to the gophers game (eeewwww.... hold onto the stupid football!!!) and I saw my friend sing in a concert. He's in chamber singers (the highest choir here and hes a freshman) and it was generally awesome. Then we all went out for noodles and company and ben and jerry's. After all of this, Im sorry you had to sit through that and read it, but life can only get better now, right? and I guess its your fault for reading this :)
Alanis Morissette has been my favorite artist for the past day and a half. I guess I recognize female empowerment and a general anger at the world around me as main feelings I've had lately, therefore her music is perfect. Favorite songs include: Forgiven, Right through you, Uninvited, You oughta know, Head over heels, you learn, and ironic. This is the mood I've been in. I guess all things considered, its not suprising.

Going Home

This weekend, I was picked up by my father following my Friday afternoon chemistry lab. While driving home, we had long conversation which was greatly overdue and appreciated by myself. He mentioned that I was the first Kiesel from his side of the family to go to a four year university directly after high school. I was astounded at first, I've never realized this fact, I have always taken it for granted that I would never be the 'first' to accomplish anything, I have so many cousins. Especially something this important.
I finally got home on Friday and hugged mom. About an hour later, I was bored to shreds. I've been so used to doing things nonstop that I live at 100mph now. This is so different from before when I could stare at the wall for an entire day and feel as if I could do it again the next.
Saturday night, after being spoiled by my parents, I went to see a movie with a few of my friends. I drove to my friend's house, which in itself was an enjoyable experience, considering I haven't driven in a month or so. I miss my car.
From my friend's house we took off to Virginia and saw the movie (I will never miss those forsaken uncomfortable seats) and afterwards, I decided to lean out the window of the car and scream at other cars. I guess I'm still snapped.
Realizing my hyper state and what it takes to calm me down, my friend suggested a ride. We ended up at the lake near his house, with no lights for miles. I saw ... stars! The milky way even! I couldn't believe it, I memorized the image and now I think of it when I am sad, which is all too often lately.
Afterwards we took a drive to wal-mart: the hang out spot of everyone in Hibbing. I'm not sure I miss that place either. We did set off an entire rack of Barbie guitars, which was slightly amusing. After, I found Trav's new apartment and kitten.
Sunday I came back here to a life of chaos, but at least I had a well-deserved break from it all, and I look forward to the next.

Midterm, a definition of Evil Death.

Okay, the whole concept of a 'midterm' is starting to confuse me. Let's look at the word itself:
'mid-' is a prefix. it must be French for EVIL. Either that or implies 'middle' or 'median'
'-term' is a suffix. it is also French for DEATH. In English, however, a 'term' implies a period of time. like a semester.
So my question is, why are we taking our MIDTERMS now? We've been here for five weeks. Another interesting question is why there are more than one per class...
It must be French.

outside is inside.

While walking with a friend i've made here last night during a thunderstorm, I realized that the reason that I like rain so much is that it mirrors how I feel most of the time. Thunder and lightning. Not everybody likes it or even can stand it, but there is a select few that look forward to it. Not necessarily beautiful, but refreshing just the same, or at least i like to pretend to think so.
Anyway, while outside, my friend and I were talking and standing in the rain for about a half hour to fourty-five minutes. It was probably the most invigorating experience I've had (except for church) in a while. Why don't people do that more often? stand outside in the rain and talk. I love that feeling. I love the feeling of being outside in the midst of something. or nothing at all. I guess I kindof miss my homegrown country life, or at least that's what I used to have before I moved here. And last night was the closest thing I've had to being in the midst of nature since I moved here. Lets just hope I dont get sick.

Dancing!

I recently joined a bunch of dancing clubs here on campus. I can't believe on what I missed out on! The first one I joined was a swing dancing club, which is slightly a funny story in itself, being that I and a friend were just speaking about joining a swing dancing club when I saw an two old friends in front of Coffman Memorial that were on their way there. The dancing itself seemed really easy, I just need some work on my frame, and it would help if I got better at not thinking. Basically, that's all the girl does; not think.
Also, I joined a ballroom dancing club here and I relearned swing dance through the first part, and learned to cha-cha the second. I am picking up quickly, I believe it might have something to do with my figure skating years. To anyone who reads this; learn to dance and do it often! It is not only great exercise, it is a great way to meet people, which I've been (trying) to do every day.

This is part of the University of Minnesota Campus where I live now

beth went clubbing!

Last night I went to this club called three degrees, it is a (live!) christian music club with pool tables and the like. If you're not impressed by this, I totally am because it was the first club I've been to EVER.
I couldn't believe that those places actually look like that in real life! and it was like attending a mini-concert. which I totally adore. I do want to try other ones in the area though, to get a feel for the whole 'club experience' although I'm not entirely sure what that consists of.
I do know that it was VERY fun, and I am totally stoked to do it again.

Also- to those of you that left messages, thanks so much for the complements! I believe everyone is 'cute' in their own way, however. Also, whatever input you give me is VERY much appreciated. it's nice to know what people think about my life sometimes, especially when it gets pretty crazy.

this is me

Week One

The first week at the University of Minnesota has gone by so fast!
Unfortunately it hasn't been all fun and giggles. I guess taking 18 credits has finally caught up with me. Luckily there is only one class that seems extremely work intensive for me.
When I'm not doing homework (too rarely) I am making friends around campus here, mostly hanging out with the people I've met on this floor and my roomate.
Speaking of Laurie, I've decided that I am very lucky to be her roomate, that I didnt get someone else. She and I click so well! We both like to do our homework and talk to guys better than girls.
It is so great here!
I've also met some guys (of course, duh, I'm in IT) my closest friends thus far include Mike and Matt (roomates) and David and Adam (roomates). They're pretty smart and it almost seems like when they and Laurie and I get together and study I almost don't belong there. icka. At least they're fun. It's so different here because in Hibbing all of the people I was/am friends with were 'gaming' nerds and here they're 'computer' nerds... which I guess doesn't sound all that different to someone who hasnt experienced both types of nerds.
Jon and I are on a break right now. I guess that's the main reason I haven't updated recently, even with the sweet connection time I get for living here. We tried it for about a week and after (STILL) hadn't called or emailed me I took another look at our relationship. For one thing, I deserve to be treated better by someone who claims to care for me. I'm not questioning the fact that he cares for me, just why he treated me like that. Also, I realized that with my hectic schedule here, I barely have enough time to set aside to talk to my own parents regularily via phone and a relationship via email would NOT sit well with me. Finally, probably the biggest factor, is that in reality we really don't have the capacity for a long distance relationship right now. I wouldnt get to see him nearly enough as I would like and I would hope he would like to see me more too. It also seemed as if he didn't even try to keep this going. Little things: like forgetting to fix his phone for almost an entire month with me nagging him for about three weeks straight. I don't like being a nag, its not me.
That was another thing with Jon, whenever you wanted him to do something you had to nag him into it. who wants to be a nag? and why couldnt he ever remember anything?
I guess there really are multiple types of intelligences, maybe I finally found one Jon was lacking in.
But I do miss him, I can only hope I've done the right thing. He wanted another chance to make things right, and I didnt give it to him. Well, I gave him one, but he screwed that one up. My main reason for this was because we dont have time for this. And I don't need to spend every second of my free time hanging around the phone to see if he will call (if ever). I have better things to do, and some more important. like laundry.
To summarize, I am having a blast when i dont think about my crazy love life. When i think about that i become the raving lunatic that left Hibbing. I'd prefer to forget that month...
My only advice, I guess, for anyone who reads this, is break up with your high school sweetheart before you go away to different colleges. At least at home you know people to help you get through this. I'm not sure what I would have done without the few close friends I've made here and my parents. To those of you, thank you.
Keep the Faith!

First Day

Well, My first day of college was today. It was very awesome, except for that I wore these terrible shoes with heels and straps- generally not a good idea if you are going to walk a lot, especially up and down stairs.
stupid "higher learning"
My classes are pretty nice. As long as the homework stays at a manageable level, I should be fine.
Although I had a 'blonde moment of the month' at a very bad time- we were in my calculus discussion group and I blurted out that I had a question and proceeded to attempt to convince the leader of the discussion on something I was obviously wrong on. Apparently, I'm a retard. I called myself such and lightened the mood, fortunately, but my face exhibited a pleasant shade of ruby for the rest of the hour. NOT COOL.
Have you ever blushed for long periods of time? It becomes rather warm. Being that it is early September, it is already rather warm. Again, NOT COOL.
Fortunately for my feet, after my classes were over, my friend, Krysti, lives nearby. She had shoes. they clashed with my outfit, but she had shoes and therefore she was awesome and I wore these shoes.
Unfortunately for my feet, I have a blister under my foot. never happened before. and Its a very odd, if painful, feeling. and I will be wearing tennis shoes for the next MONTH.
Well, I'm off to do homework, I guess that is a feeling I need to get used to.

Omega Alpha

I have moved to the University of Minnesota. Its official. And it scares the crap out of me like I had no idea.
As previously posted, Im not sure what living on ones own will be like, what i'm going to be expected to do that i cant, what i'm supposed to do.
But i guess I'm going to find out soon, huh?
But this is also the beginning of a brand new experience that I am excited beyond reason to start. I am SO ready for this.
Move in day was... interesting. I guess we started out on a bad start- my crap wouldn't fit in the back of the pick up. Then we had to fit everyone elses stuff in there.
The actual moving in process was tedious at best, but we got through it, the lines werent too bad. i've encountered worse, and i was relatively patient. Unfortunately, that was before i got to my room.
I guess first impressions leave a mark on one. try this one on for size: I walk into a room half-filled with bags and garbage and a girl and her mother talking. I introduced myself, and directly after Laurie (my roomate) and her mom introduced themselves, they notified me that I cant bunk my bed b/c she needs under the bed space for her stuff. and she has a lot, i thought i had a lot, but NO... but then again, she's from New Jersey, its not like shes going to go home for stuff, she needs it all here. now.
So, imagine, you move into your new home for the next nine months of your life and your roomate's mom is deciding where everything should be placed... and I thought I would have that problem with my mom. guess not... someone elses-that's even worse.
Suddenly in a grumpy mood, regardless of the fact that I got two hours of sleep the previous night, I informed my parents that my roomates parents were... "overzealous".
fortunately, Laurie's father is nice. very nice. when she left shortly after i arrived, I set up my stuff in the room. My parents (fortunately) left to feed Fred (my brother) while I set up my room. When Laurie and her parents returned, i was making friends- thought maybe i should try again with Laurie. She stood in the room with another cartload of bins and stuff and her mom was directing where to put things again. I was ignored after being told that the television placement was unsatisfactory as well as the phone. (great. right?)
So I talked to her dad and I would be perfectly happy if i never saw her mom again. not that I wish nobody ever saw her again, but that I dont want to see her. DO NOT instruct me where to put MY things in MY home, as I see it.
Meanwhile, I met some pretty neat people. There is a room of guys on my floor with like three computers and four monitors. I'm in love... with their stuff. and to top it off, they are nice too. one of the guys and his neighbor were in my orientation group back in June, and we hung out ALL night last night... v. interesting, but pretty sweet just the same. I'm so happy to be meeting some people already and making some friends too. That room and like the neighbors around it seem really nice and there is a room of girls neighboring us (IT Honors girls! yay!) that seem pretty nice. Yay friendmaking skills!!