home again

Today I finally started to re-organize my pictures on my wall, at least so that I could include less of Jon and me together. Anyone that knows me well at all knows that I am somewhat of an amateur photographer, of people anyway. In other words, I love to take pictures. The reason I mention this now is so that you understand that I have many other pictures to choose from to fill my albums and frames. I only got one frame done, but it was the one with the most pictures of us together, the one of my friends at formal dances, in fact I just did the entire collage over, I was kind of sick of the old pictures anyway. This gave me a chance to really look at my old albums. Its frightening how one changes over a span of four years. I looked at the only picture that I have in print from my first formal dance- it is of me and my date, Grant who is now probably one of the best friends that I have- and I compared it to a picture from prom. I pretty much look the same, but everyone around me had changed. Comparing these two pictures made me wonder if I am really going through life or if it is passing me by.
Perfect example: I drank (alcohol) for the first time on New Years Eve. Well, it was not the first time that I drank, but it was definitely the first time that I did it in a party setting. Yeah, I realize that there are some people that do not drink their whole lives, or only with dinner, etc. These are also people that have morals or ethics against social drinking. I have no such morals or ethics- I definitely believe that once in a while drinking is okay (not every weekend but on holidays and such it’s a good thing). Therefore maybe I was missing out in high school a little. I am also a better person for it I realize: my grades were too important to me in high school to afford myself any slack. Now though, I am in college and studying seems to be just as important.
This made me realize that coming from a small town has influenced my views on controversial topics such as drinking and sex. To put it bluntly, there just isn’t much else to do here. I’m still a virgin, but this also makes me wonder if I am missing out in this too. I know very few virgins any more, especially since college has started. I know that this won’t spur me to run to the first willing male and whip out a beer and off my clothes, but it seems that people that have spent their lives in the city are less likely to do these things. I could be wrong too.
This makes me want to go back to college so much more than I already do. College is so much different than high school ever was. For one thing I am no longer under my parents discretion. I know they mean well but they don’t understand me and probably never will, only because I wont let them. They analyze my every move and criticize anything I say, do, or the way I look. I appreciate their honesty but not their attention- I would rather live life in the background. I also get less privacy here. Perfect example: my mom has walked into my room (without knocking) at least three times in the past five minutes wondering what I am typing. God, I can’t wait to leave.
College is also without cliques. At least, whatever clique-ige there is, it is not as noticeable as it was for high school. I went to a hockey game a few nights ago and I noticed a group of people that graduated with me sitting in their usual spot. I was initially too afraid to speak to them, just like high school, but I eventually sucked it up- I thought that maybe they liked the non-clique-ness of college as much as I did and might have just said hello back because I was a fellow HHS graduate. I was very wrong. What makes me angry about this is that I was initially afraid of them, obviously I am the better person here, and it also made me pity them, that they will never be able to recognize or create a new friendship unless forced into it. They will fail at the important things in life and I fear that most of my graduating class will lead unhappy lives according to my definition of it. I am sad for them.
I came back ‘citified’. I am surprised how quickly it happened. Last night Krysti and I went to the new Caribou Coffee here (it opened a few days ago) and were not impressed. The fact that we know how a Caribou Coffee is run scares me. The people behind the counter weren’t even yelling out our orders or anything. I think my citification happened so quickly because I hate high school and Hibbing and everything in it. Except for my friends of course.
On a lighter note, classes start again in about two weeks, so I really don’t have that much left of break. Unfortunately it seems that everyone else goes back on the 9th (in about a week) so that there will be an awkward week where I really don’t have much to do while everyone else will be out being productive with their lives.