waiting for sunshine, or, what I've learned about myself over this past month

"Don't confuse me with those that cling to hope" -George Carlin

Seems fitting right now, on many fronts. I've used that quote before in this blog, and again I'll reiterate: it's one of my favorites. It describes me very well - I am not the kind of person who will sit idly by and wait for something to happen very easily. I try to pick up what I can and run with it, so that in the end I can say that I tried as hard as I could to make things go a certain way. Ideally, in the end, I'll have no regrets. I tried, gave 100%, and God did or didn't see fit to make it happen. I can be okay with that.

I have highs and lows like every normal person. I'm passionate, and (kinda) extroverted, so most people know when I'm having these highs and lows. Sometimes I force myself to take a step back and realize it's not all that great or bad, and everyone goes through the same shit day after day. Same shovel, new shit. Gotta dig. Buck up little soldier.

Am I going to die alone? Maybe. Will I have a loving husband? Maybe. Will I ever get a product all the way into the marketplace? Maybe. Will I quit (eventually) and get a phD? Maybe. Will I be happy? Maybe. Will I be rich? Maybe. Will I move to Germany? Maybe. Will I never leave the country again? Maybe. Will I ever have children? Maybe.

Maybe maybe maybe maybe. Man, how I hate that word. I'm impatient and I continuously want to fix problems, solve issues, and make friends with those that dislike me. I hate being disliked, I hate causing stress. Maybe just means that there isn't anything (more) I can do, and that frustrates me to no end. Maybe means I can influence the decision one way or another, but can also influence it in a way I do not like. Maybe is tenuous and fickle. I hate uncertainty. I even read the last page in most books before I reach the middle. I watch the movie before I read the book. I love the mechanism, but hate guessing the product. I like knowing my endpoints, and figuring out the journey to reach them. Perhaps this is why I can't sit down to a blank sheet of paper. Perhaps this is why I can only write lab reports on finished projects. Perhaps this is why I'm an engineer.

in which I react to the space baby

The Uptown theater was showing 2001: A Space Odyssey this past weekend at midnight, and it was collectively decided that it would be a great idea to go see it on the big screen. Having never seen this movie nor read the book, I had no idea what I would be in for. First of all - I get the whole apes-evolved-into-man thing. I felt that the first chapter or act or what have you was a little drawn out, but as an avid fan of movies such as the Godfather and Casablanca I can appreciate that our society today is used to a faster pace than films of yesteryear. What I can not understand, however, is the damn monolith music. Whoever created it must have appreciated the sounds of kittens going through a lawnmower, because I'm pretty sure exactly that happens every time it's played.

Please don't kill me!

The rest of the music was phenomenal - Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra" was delightful, and has been a standard cultural nod in reference to the movie decades later. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud when the ape "evolves" and learns to use the bone tools over this music selection. It was nice to see where this reference started.

Eh, who are you kidding. I laughed my ass off.

The middle third of the movie, the space station/moon/HAL sequence was fantastic. I appreciated the tribute to "The Blue Danube" that was so fitting for the waltzing of satellites. It was interesting to see what people 43 years ago thought the world would be like 10 years ago. I'm sorry to say that we haven't progressed as far as it was assumed we would, but for all of the "advancements" we should have made, but it was also pointed out to me that there were plenty of things that neither Arthur C. Clarke nor Stanley Kubrick saw coming - like mobile phones or internet.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave"

I must say though, the entrance of the damn monolith music, again, in addition to the nails-on-a-chalkboard radio interference sound (see end of video link) nearly made me walk out and never come back. I might have lost some hearing from that, and for that I will never forgive Mr. Kubrick. I lost my sanity in the next section.

The last third of the movie completely lost me. Something about a monolith in space, a nasty acid trip in space with psychedelic colors and extremely creepy 2-frame shots of Dave generally freaked out, a painfully slow series of events in which Dave gets increasingly older, the damn monolith again, and finally a space fetus/baby. WHAT ARE YOU ON, STANLEY?!

Mama?

I'll have what he's having...

I feel like I should draw some parallels and symbolic meanings out of all of this, but all I get is that the people behind the film felt that knowledge and wisdom would be the next great evolutionary step in mankind, told through Dave's accelerated life cycle and being reborn as a giant space infant looking down upon Earth. If this is why we're not going to the moon, I totally understand. Infants creep me out as it is.

Furthermore, I'm still having nightmares of those 2-frame splices of Dave into the bad acid trip. Many of those that know me well realize that I'm prone to "attacks" of OCD - usually associated with colors. The colors were horribly out of order in that acid trip. Just to let you all know.

At least I don't have to worry about sleeping past my alarm at all this week!

Minneapolis photo walk

A very good/old friend of mine and I strolled the downtown Minneapolis area taking a few random photos along the way, and for the most part just took the most of a pleasant Saturday afternoon that is so rare this time of year. I enjoy seeing my friend very much, but this venture had the added benefit of getting me out of the house and permitting me to speak to someone that isn't myself for a change.

My friend is much more into photography than I am, so my simple point-and-shoot camera looked like a toddler trying out for the Olympics next to his highly sophisticated-multiple-lens-I'll-kill-you-if-you-touch-it-expensive camera. In my defense, most of my photos are of drunk people at parties making the duckface (see: duckface). Actually, it's probably preferred to have as cheap of a camera as possible in my case, judging that I usually just toss it haphazardly into my bag with no regard for protection. My electronics are a survival of the fittest sort. Come to think of it, nothing pertaining to me really screams sophistication.

Us! Post-Target trip

Tangent aside, the bus dropped us off at the north end of Nicollet mall, where we meandered down Hennepin/Nicollet until we reached the Target headquarters/Target store and realized that we were both freezing our ears off. Apparently wind chill is a real thing. Tell your friends.

A shot down the street downtown

We hopped into the multilevel Target to purchase a couple hats and further explored the mall area along the skyway system. We came out of the mall area around the south area of Nicollet mall and decided to venture East-ward along the skyscrapers. It was entertaining to me to go back to that first time that I walked around the big city, realizing that I lived somewhere with skyscrapers. My brand new college friends at the time and I went crazily from one skyscraper to the next, hugging the large pillars and generally freaking out. It was the first time I had seen something man-made that was so large, so close, in person. This venture being the second time that my friend had ever been downtown, he was in a similar state of awe that was reminiscent of this time for me. I truly felt like a local, guiding him along the streets and showing him (some of) the best things to see downtown.

Unfortunately, our walk didn't take us as far as the Target center/field or Metrodome as our bus transfers would have expired had we ventured far enough, and we were both too cheap to purchase another, so these excursions will be saved for a later date - hopefully with a team inside to watch.

sick day

My throat tried to wage war against my body today.

European Vacation: Day 9

Due to being in an airport, I did not sleep much last night. Slowly, my sinuses drained and I was able to hear again. I'm still periodically shooting up with the nose stuff. Being sick on vacation in a foreign country sucks. On the bright side, I have a multi-national medicine cabinet now.

I can't wait to be home. Getting on our Air India flight was ridiculous. There were too many people crowding and pushing, and we got our passports checked at least three times, ent though security twice (first one was at a different concourse though, where Krysti and I stopped for breakfast), got to the final check where they looked at my boarding pass (for the third time at this point, I kid you not) and passport and decided that I did not have the correct type of boarding pass (something to do with their computer system, I most definitely had a ticket but needed a boarding pass that said "Air India" instead of "Lufthansa" who had printed it off for me in Rome). Therefore, I was pushed into a semi-line of about ten people who needed personal assistance. Just as the two in front of me were about to go, they, I, and a bunch of people behind us were put into another line - specific to people who need boarding passes, with no attendant servicing it, in reverse order so I was now second from the back of the line and needed to wait in the crowd all over again. Not really somewhere a claustrophobic sick tired crabby dirty smelly girl wants to be for long periods of time. After waiting (and protesting!) for 30 minutes (again, I do not exaggerate) someone finally waited on us, printed off new boarding passes so we could go to the place where we needed to wait in yet another line to finally board the plane. I honestly cannot tell you how many lines I've stood in today and it's not even 10 AM. Definitely will never buy Air India again. On top of this all, Krysti and I are not even able to sit together. Fortunately, the in-flight service is ok. There is a ridiculous amount of children, but so far they've been very well behaved (no repeats of the flight from Barcelona to Rome, thank goodness).

Right now, I'm about ready to dig into the nearest cheeseburger and drive my medium-sized car and lay in my own bed.

I'm very happy that I was able to go on this vacation, and I couldn't have picked a better travel buddy to go with. I think that we saw just the right amount of things and we hit all the hot spots. I honestly cannot pick a favorite moment from the trip, and I could only hope that had I not gotten sick that it would have ended on a more positive note.

European Vacation: Day 8

Leaving Rome, sad to throw away my broken suitcase

This morning, we headed out early for Ancient Rome. We saw the Plaza Venezia (which looks like a castle), the Roman Forum, a museum on Capitoline hill, Palatine Hill, Column of Marcus Aurelius, The Colosseum (during the daylight), and the Pantheon. We started with the Plaza Venezia, but only gave it a moment's notice before heading for the Pantheon. The Pantheon was amazing- the oculus (the circular "skylight" at the center of the dome) was incredible to see in person.

A church that Bernini's pupil built across from a fountain that Bernini designed shortly after. The practical joke in the piece is the statue facing the church with his hand shielding his eyes as if to say "how horrible a thing to look at"

The Plaza Venezia

The oculus in the Pantheon, letting in unfiltered daylight and fresh air

The inside of the Pantheon

The outside of the Pantheon, under rennovation

We then went to see the column, which has many carvings along the side telling the story of a famous battle. We went through the ruins, and it took a significant amount of imagination to htink of what these buildings could have looked like about two thousand years ago.

The column, depicting a battle

The Roman Forum

After this, we toured Capitoline and Palatine hill. There was a museum on Capitoline hill that had many sculptures in it, and enclosed the foundation of a temple to Zeus that dated from centuries in BC.

A sculpture depicting Romulus and Remus (the founders of Rome) suckled by the "she-wolf"

The original sculpture of Marcus Aurelius, originally showcased in St. Peter's plaza dating from 2 AD

A statue of Neptune

"heeey"

A painting depicting Alexander the Great defeating Darius

It took me a long time to wonder why there were pieces from the 9/11 attacks here, but I realized that since it was the WORLD Trade Centers hit, there were Italians inside.

Me, driving an old Popemobile

Last, we explored the Colosseum, and took a guided tour that explained the history of the building as well as its previous state (pre-ruin). Much of the structure has been "recycled" for the marble on the Trevi fountain, Piazza Venezia, etc. It makes me sad, because the Colosseum has obviously suffered, but in a way it also makes sense and I am glad that these other structures exist today in their current form.

A daytime view of the Colosseum

Us, inside the Colosseum

The interior of the Colosseum

We then went to the airport only to find that Krysti and I were on different flights by the same airliner going to the same city only one hour apart. This only made sense to me when I saw that Krysti's flight was extremely full, and I was apparently on the overflow flight to Frankfurt. My flight (an hour after Krysti's) flew in so early, that there was no gate ready for it to travel to, and a shuttle came out to pick us up on the tarmac.

My view on the tarmac

As awesome as this was, I was nervous because Krysti and I were supposed to meet up at my arrival gate and now since I didn't have one, it meant that I needed to turn on my cell phone, which meant loads of fees. Turns out Krysti could not secure her next boarding pass until the staff from Air India came in at 5:30 AM the next morning anyway, so I needed to meet her outside the gates and terminal anyway. After a drink at the restaurant bar, we set up camp at another airport bar and waited until the Air India counter opened so hat we could get a boarding pass to enter the airport.

On the flight here, I managed to get my ears plugged (sinuses) to the point where my ears could not pop and I was left mostly deaf with a searing headache. The headache left me, once landed, but the ears remained plugged. I walked into a pharmacy that recommended a nose spray that I've been borderline abusing. I think. Although I do know a bit of German, I can't make out enough of the directions to determine the maximum use per day. It looks great sitting next to my Italian cough drops...

I'm on a plane!

Our table at the beginning of the layover

Our table at the end of the layover... 8 hours later.

My attempts at clearing my head with alcohol and international cough medicine

European Vacation: Day 7

Well, there was in fact a glitch on the website and Krysti and I had no trouble getting to Sperlonga - the nice beach. It was full of families and the waves were huge! The town of Sperlonga is a picturesque little Italian tourist town (Italian tourists, not like in Rome) and barely anyone spoke English. Fortunately with what little broken Italian I knew and the few who knew some English, we got by okay.

Sperlonga: the beachside city on the hill

A lovely day at the beach

I finally purchased wine! I'm very excited for this. Unfortunately, I finished my book, so it looks like I'll be purchasing the next one at the airport.

We leave Rome tomorrow, and I am sad to leave, but I miss the US very much and will be happy to be back, outside of Chris having moved while I was away.

We do, however, leave tomorrow evening for Frankfurt, Germany, so we have time in the morning that we plan ot see the Pantheon, Roman Forum, and a few other things.

European Vacation: Day 6

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely horrible. My throat hurt, I was stuffy, sneezing and my head was foggy. You could say I was really looking forward to spending all day at the Vatican in 86 degree Fahrenheit weather wearing the dress code of no knees or shoulders showing skin. Krysti and I stopped at a "pharmacia" (pharmacy) to pick up some OTC cough drops. The man did not speak much English, but I was able to point at my throat and wince until he knew what I needed. The instructions of course were in Italian, which I do not speak, so I took a couple within an hour. We later figured out the instructions with what little Italian we'd picked up and found that the suggested dose was 1 every 2-3 hours.

Meanwhile, Krysti and I arrived at Vatican City with just enough time to spare to walk around the square and admire the cathedral's exterior. We previously purchased admission to the Vatican museums online, so we skipped the 4 hour wait at no extra cost. We didn't end up purchasing a guided tour which left me needlessly crabby (sorry Krysti!) because I have little to no background in art history and had no idea what I was looking at. On further reflection, I don't think I could have handled any more time in the Vatican museum than we were in there for, so the lack of knowledge is something I can really live with.

We started in the museums, and my excess of medication started to kick in. I felt high, not in a good way, but "fuzzy headed" and possibly had an out-of-body experience. Regrettably, partially because I didn't know what I was looking at and mostly due to the illness and my mental state, I pretty much walked the museum unable to absorb much. In retrospect, again, I'm not sure I could have handled much more anyway. Krysti seemed to enjoy it, which ensures that it was not a complete loss and I'm hopeful that I didn't ruin it for her with my constant complaining and crabbiness.

The parts that stood out the most to me were the sarcophaguses of Emporer Constantine's wife and daughter, the room full of marble busts, the set of rooms Raphael himself painted, and of course the Sistine Chapel.

The entrance to St. Peter's Basilica

Krysti and me in front of St. Peter's Basilica

One of the sculptures in the Vatican Museums

The sarcophagus of Emperor Constantine's daughter or wife

The map room at the Vatican Museums

One of the walls in Raphael's painted rooms

The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (photo courtesy of Krysti)

My "high" fortunately died just before our guided tour of St. Peter's Basilica. The guided tour was a great purchase, mostly because our guide was as knowledgeable as he was entertaining. The tour focused mostly on the history of the Vatican and kept (for the most part) away from the religion to mine and Krysti's relief.

The Vatican guard outside the Vatican

The entrance to St. Peter's Basilica

Inside the Basilica, the letters along the top stand about 2m high

The Pieta in the Basilica, carved by Michelangelo

The actual body of Pope John Paul I, displayed in the Basilica

The dome in the Basilica and the Baldaccino, protecting the supposed grave of St. Peter

Looking toward the entrance from inside the Basilica

Pope John Paul II's memorial, 1 of 2 stones in the floor.

We stopped at a small "trattoria" (small restaurant) for lunch/dinner and we both had tortellini and a vegetable. I had red wine, which was delicious, and started to feel feverish so I had some gelato. I'm pretty sure I'll never appreciate American ice cream again.

I was fortunately able to take a long nap into the evening and woke up refreshed with a headache, but absent of a fever, stomach pains and general achiness.

Krysti and I then took a walk down by the Tiber and among some shops where I purchased a new suitcase (yay!) and Krysti bought some jewelry. We went down by the river and had some cocktails and pizza and just people watched for a few hours. The weather and the people are so nice, and there was music playing (both American pop and Italian). One of the servers became enamored with Krysti and asked her if she was into Italian men, which is entertaining because her boyfriend is Italian. We walked back to the hostel, which was a slight experience because I somehow managed to lose my map. Fortunately we had another and an iPhone to direct our way.

A bridge over the Tiber River lit up at night

The two of us with our drinks on the banks of the Tiber river. To my right is my new suitcase.

Tomorrow, we are going to Sperlonga, a resort/beach nearby. The only part about this that makes me nervous is that all of the trains appear to be "full" on our hostel's computer. Here is hoping that it is just a glitch in the website, because the girl working the front desk seemed to be very confused by it and assured us that it was very uncommon. Here's hoping! If not, there is a less nice beach we can get to via metro.